Our society tends to look for miracles like a parting of the sea (or a parting of the soup like in Bruce Almighty LOL) when the reality is that we are surrounded by miracles every day but are we looking for them? Are we striving to be the miracle by not letting life bring us down – continuing to fight the fight no matter what we face? The world has a way of trying to distract, frustrate, or discourage us so we miss what is right under our noses. It’s like what happened to me last week on a trip home from Philly.

I had a 5:20 pm flight back to Chicago on Thursday. I’ve made the trip back and forth between the two cities enough times that I had the timing down pat, or so I thought! I head out and was smoothly moving along interstate 95 when suddenly I hit traffic. I wait patiently while traffic inches along and “I Gotta Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas plays on the radio. I look at the clock and hope the traffic will soon clear which it did. After about 10 more minutes I hit another patch of heavy traffic, this time I felt a little bit of worry trying to creep up. “No! All will be fine,” I thought. The traffic then cleared, “thank you!” Well about 10 minutes later I hit another patch of heavy traffic. The odd part is there is no reason why the traffic is heavy – no accidents or construction slowing things down. I guess another example of Murphy’s law trying to play out in my life.

I had about an hour until my flight so felt the nerves really trying to rise up in my stomach. I rented from a different car rental place than normal and made the mistake of assuming the return would be onsite at the airport, bad assumption! I managed to drive around the airport a few times wasting time that I certainly didn’t have to spare. I didn’t see it anywhere! I knew I had to find a place to pull over on this constant moving path of rental car return lanes to grab the paperwork from my laptop in the trunk. I pull over, park on the road, jump out quickly to grab the paperwork and slid back into the front seat. I grab the receipt which is barely legible due to a printer cartridge they had yet to change. I call the number shown and hear a recording saying that the number is no longer being used. “B-E-A…Utiful,” I think! I find the address, punch it into my GPS which manages to take me on some wild jaunt away from the place I need to be. Okay this is really trying to get my goat as the saying goes but I say, “Nope! If I’m suppose to be on this plane then I will be!” I say a quiet prayer in my head, “God if you want me on this flight, please send your angels to help me along because without them I’m pretty much going in circles like a dog chasing his tail. Amen.”

Well, I felt in my heart to dig more into the paperwork and see a note with directions to the drop-off facility which is off-site from the airport .. good to know! I find my way back to interstate 95 so I can use the directions on the printed form. Well, I FINALLY find it, pull into the lot and don’t see anyone around. I turn off the car and go to open the car door and suddenly as if out of nowhere there is a gentleman ready to check my car back in – thank you for angel #1! I then thought, “Oh I hope there is a bus here so I don’t have to wait.” Just as the thought crosses my mind, I look up to see the bus driver literally in a jog heading towards me with a big smile on his face. He says, “Don’t worry honey I will get you there on time.” I got chills because this man had no way of knowing I was close to missing my flight – thank you for angel #2! I load onto the bus and there are about 7 gentlemen sitting staring at me. Based on the looks on their faces it is obvious they should have been well on their way and not waiting for another passenger … me!

I now have about 40 minutes until flight time and I keep telling myself, “If I’m meant to be on this flight then I will be.” We begin approaching different airlines and Southwest is next – yay! Well just as we begin to pull out and head towards Southwest it was like one of those huge magnets you see in junk yards to pick-up cars was placed in front of us because cars from every direction came from no where to box us in. He says “what in the world!” I thought, “Yep, welcome to my life,” as I smiled shaking my head. I again told myself, “If I’m meant to be on this flight then I will be.” About that time he managed to pull off the impossible. I still do not know how he was able to reposition that bus and get out of a situation that was packed tighter than a can of sardines but I was thankful! He helps me get my luggage. I hand him a tip saying, “thank you!” as I run to get my baggage checked in. I walk up and a kiosk had just opened, “Yes!” I thought. As I punched in my confirmation number on the touch screen a bell went off. The lady behind the counter was smiling and says, “Looks like we have a winner.” She then said, “It is less than 30 minutes to flight time so we cannot guarantee your luggage will get on the flight.” I asked what the chances were and she said, “Let’s just hope for the best,” as she smiled. I thought, “That is exactly right!” I said, “thank you” as I turned to run towards the security check-in at which time she said, “Miss, do you have your boarding pass?” I stopped dead in my tracks, “Uhhh, I didn’t pick it up out of the tray!” I looked at her and she pointed to the tray. I hurriedly grabbed it and said, “Thank you so much, you are a life saver!” She just smiled at me with a kind unspoken look that said “I’m happy I could help.” Thank you for angel #3!

Okay it is now 23 minutes until my flight. I have not gone thru security yet and it will take me at least 10 minutes to walk to the gate. Security always takes me awhile because I have two shoulder replacements and a right-hip replacement which sets off every light and alarm drawing attention as if I just hit 777 on a slot machine. I am jogging as best as I can with 3-inch heeled boots (not to mention a hip replacement which clearly is synonymous for NO RUNNING and not just because most people who have them are 80 – I know doc – sorry!). I turn the corner to the security area and there in front of me is a maze of people filling the security lanes. I thought, “There is no way this is happening.” It will take 30 minutes just to get thru the line not to mention the security process. My heart reminded me, “If I am meant to be on this flight then I will be.” I just finish that thought and look up to see a long arm of a tall-friendly African American gentleman pointing me to a specific lane off to my left. I followed it and it was a side lane that took me right up to the security lane. Wow, that was awesome – thank you for angel #4!

I get thru security and quickly glance at my ticket. I saw “A” so started heading (or shall I say running) to gate A. My heart then said, “Look at your ticket again.” So I did and gasped, “Gate E!” which happens to be on the complete opposite side of gate A. I am running back to the area where I came from and really wishing I had wings or something because the gate seemed to be a mile away. About that time I heard my name being announced over the intercom so I started going faster. There was one guy behind me running for the same flight. We were the last two to board the plane. The plane was full but I saw two ladies sitting right behind the emergency exit row with a seat open in the middle. I asked them if I could please sit there. The lady said, “No problem, actually why don’t I just scootch over because her and I are traveling together anyway.” I smiled and said, “Thank you so much!” I got settled into my seat and let out a big sigh of relief – I made it, whew!

A gentleman was trying to force his suitcase in the compartment above our heads. No matter what he did, he can’t seem to get it to fit. He then takes the two coats of the ladies in my row out and said, “Do you mind holding these because they will not fit with the luggage?” She took them hesitantly. I turned to her and said, “I’m so sorry, here you did something nice for me and now they are putting more stuff back in your lap.” About that time the flight attendant smiled and took the coats to find a place in another bin so she wouldn’t be troubled for her kindness. The gentleman continued to try and get the suitcase to fit. My heart said, “Look up NOW!” I look up to see this big skateboard with big wheels fly out of the compartment above my head. I didn’t have time to react so just held my breath waiting for the thump. Suddenly there was this hand that came out of nowhere that caught it literally out of mid-air saving it from cracking me right in the head! I am on blood thinners so a crack to the head from a skateboard like that could have been really bad. Everyone around me was saying, “Nice catch!”, “How in the world did you just catch that?”, “No way that just happened, that’s impossible”. It was that same feeling you experience when watching Superman and he flies in just in the knick of time to save the day. “Wow!” I thought, thank you for angel #5!

They finally got the compartment closed, skateboard and all and the rest of our flight was uneventful. Once we landed in Chicago while I was standing in the aisle I felt my heart tug me to turn around to see the gentleman who caught the skateboard. I turned around and there stood a familiar gentleman standing there just smiling at me. I smiled back as my heart cried out saying, “thank you!” but the words wouldn’t come out (that is a first for me! LOL) but I knew my heart spoke right to this kind gentleman’s heart somehow. Well, I kept smiling and squinted my eyes just a little thinking, I know him from somewhere. He continued to smile a very proud smile like he was so glad he could help. I turned around as the line began moving forward while we exited the plane and I recalled where I had seen him before, my jaw dropped. He was in one of my dreams a few weeks back, a dream where I had a team of angels helping me. He was one of the angels and was sitting in the row behind me just like he was on the plane today. I have chills as I type this! See there are miracles around us everywhere but are we looking for them? Are we asking God for guidance and believing He will send it? Or are we getting frustrated in situations missing all that is right in front of us? If I would have focused on all the challenges that day I would have completely missed all the guidance and help that was sent. I am thankful I saw past what the world was sending me and stayed focused on what God was sending me – it made all the difference.

May you see the miracles around you and may you live your life to BE THE MIRACLE, it’s up to you – Life’s waiting so what’s it gonna be? Blessings!

Much love to you all!

Sandi Rauwolf

He brought this beautiful, soft light to a dark room just being there on that table. He had a smile on his face and although he didn’t say a word, light radiated from every part of him. He brightened the room and made me smile. What a great thing to walk downstairs to this morning. I was sharing with Chris that I thought it was so neat how this one little snowman stayed lit up even though the others didn’t. He said it was lit up because its switch was broken. I said, “What do you mean?” He said, “Well there is a button on top you have to push to turn it off. That one you can keep pushing the button but it doesn’t turn off.” I thought that is a good word! Most people would think he’s broken but I think he is perfect! It’s our perspective that needs to be fixed, not him. He is exactly the way he is supposed to be; actually that little snowman is exactly how all of us are supposed to be.

People and things in life are going to push our buttons over and over again but if we continue to focus upward and keep going, our faith will grow and soon no one will be able to take away our joy no matter how many times our buttons are pushed.

I wanted to take a picture of these snowmen to post with my blog and something interesting happened. The three snowmen with their lights off were lying with their faces up and in a position that looked like they were standing. But, the one with the light, well no matter what I did to try and get him to face the same way as the others, he kept turning as if he was walking forward. Here’s the picture:

It amazes me how we can learn so much thru the simple things that surround us every day like these snowmen. A few things that came to my heart were:

1) We can make a difference by letting the light of who we were made to be shine without a single word. Be true to who you were made to be.

2) Our eyes are drawn to that light instinctively and as a result we look past the bad that may be surrounding us. It’s up to us if we leave our eyes focused on the one that’s lit up or the three that aren’t. Remain focused on the good – be thankful for what you do have and quit looking at what you don’t have.

3) People and circumstances in life will push our buttons but it is up to us if we will allow it to dim or turn off the light within our hearts. We have a choice to focus on how much our buttons are being pushed or to focus on ensuring at the end of the day we were able to stay true to who we were made to be (i.e. be the bigger person – not getting angry, bitter, judgmental, or saying/doing something we regret, etc.). Don’t focus on the person or thing in life trying to bring you down, focus on being who you were made to be and let God work on them.

Inner reflection – where’s your focus? Is it on the snowman lit up or on the three that aren’t? If you are in a place where you feel overwhelmed or want to better your life, I encourage you to begin focusing your eyes and thoughts on what is good. If you continue to look for the bad things then that is all you see (that gets exhausting and overwhelming), but if you choose to focus your eyes and mind on what is good then soon that is all you see. You then realize the truth – it wasn’t your circumstances that had to change, it was your perspective.

With much love,

Sandi Rauwolf

First, we have to understand that God can turn all to His greater good no matter how horrible a situation seems. In Jeremiah 29:11 we know God has plans for each of us. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” So when I hear someone say “everything happens for a reason” – well to me that translates into, “I trust God completely in all and that includes trusting Him with my life in the good times AND the bad!”

We never know how many lives are impacted by a specific situation or what lesson we are being taught thru the adversity we may face whether it is to us personally or a loved one.

Do you realize that the world’s most highly effective causes were founded as a result of suffering and loss? A mother’s loss of a child to a drunk driver (MADD), a 34 year old young lady facing breast cancer (National Breast Cancer Foundation), a diagnosis of a horrible disease (Franklin Roosevelt was diagnosed with polio and started the March of Dimes, to research and help polio victims. Twenty years later a vaccine was developed and the program then partnered into helping the cause of birth defects). The list goes on and on. In each of these examples God took one person’s suffering and worked thru it to save/help the lives of millions. We never know what God will do but we can trust there is a bigger plan for our lives than we realize. God is good!

But if God is so good, why is there evil? God did not create the world evil, remember after God created everything in HIS own image the Bible tells us “God saw all that he had made and it was very good.” Genesis 1:31. Then Satan came in and used a little bit of truth to deceive Eve into convincing Adam to eat from the forbidden tree. Once Adam did, it was the fall of man and introduced pain, suffering, etc. into the good world God created. Thus forever more sin became part of man and why He sent us His son to free us of that sin. Sin is what brought pain and suffering into the world. Sin is caused from evil, not good.

Okay, so you get now that sin is what caused the evil in the world but then the question comes up AGAIN, “Why would a loving God allow this to happen to His people?” In addition to trusting there is a big plan and God can turn all to His greater good, we also need to appreciate the gift of adversity and what it brings. As Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 12:10 “…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Think about how powerful that statement is! :) Do we not get thirsty only after we have gone without water? When we face all that we do in life, those things make us THIRST for something bigger, something better out there – that is when we often begin to find our way to God. We face difficult times and face adversity to mature spiritually thus becoming complete. What a blessing – what a JOY! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

I know the things I have faced from that hospital bed over the years made me thirst for more. What about you – are you thirsty?

God bless!

Love,
Sandi

The thing that touched our hearts the most is what we have seen in our little girl. Over the last week she has been the happiest we have ever seen her. She is constantly smiling, singing – just so joyful! It’s amazing and as if a whole new world has opened up for her. As I stand watching her almost float around the house without a single worry in the world, I couldn’t help but smile and bask in the happy, joyfulness of our little angel. I found my heart overflowing in her delight because I love her so much. As I was enjoying that special moment I felt as if God gently whispered to me, “that is how I feel when my children are filled with joyfulness”. And I sat there thinking about what a loving God we have and how much He does want us to experience joy in all. I felt as if at that very moment God was standing there with me smiling at this precious little angel filling the room with peace and love. What a tremendous gift to me on such a stressful day that seemed to suck the life right out of me!

It’s amazing how our attitudes affect the world isn’t it? How many times do we have something going on in our lives that let’s just say causes us to fall short of filling a room with peace and love? Life in this world can be so demanding, so exhausting, and so stressful! It can dangerously cause our hearts to be calloused (emotionally hardened).

Matthew 13:15 “For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them”.

When our hearts harden, we are no longer open to what God is trying to do in our lives or others. Suddenly we can hardly hear God’s voice although He is speaking to us loud and clear (just like I described in my last blog when Samantha’s ears were filled with fluid). When life robs us of that peace and joy, how effective are we when God sends someone into our path?

What do I mean by that? Well, there are no coincidences with God – things don’t “just” happen. It’s not a matter of luck or being in the right place at the right time. If someone crosses our path we need to be open to what God may be doing – whose life He may be trying to touch. A concept I failed to understand for so long is that each of us has a role, a very specific purpose here. Long before we even realize that purpose, we have unknowingly touched many lives that have crossed our paths. I was in a particular season in my life many years ago where I didn’t grasp this concept. I didn’t think I made a difference in a single life but God taught me otherwise. We have touched another life with something as simple as a smile or letting someone step ahead of us in line at the grocery store. That smile, that simple act of kindness God may have used to completely change the path that person was on that day – just like God did for me watching Samantha fill the room with peace and love. I know personally when I let life rob me of God’s peace and joy I certainly am in no mood to help anyone nor do I want to be helped – this is the true danger of a hardened heart!

But God understands this – that is why He has given us a way to peace, joy and eternal life. When we seek worldly things to fill us with peace and joy we may experience joy for a moment or two but it is short-lived. We are left feeling empty again, feeling lost. But thru those failures, thru that emptiness we find that those adversities cause us to seek something bigger … to discover the true meaning of life! To discover Him! Once we welcome Him into our hearts and begin our walk with Him – nothing, not even the grave can rob us of that joy because He is now with us (Psalm 16:9-11) He begins to change us and as we mature in our spiritual walk it is amazing the things we can see, hear and how He changes our hearts. We truly can find joy in ALL. We can be kind and loving, effective and productive (2 Peter 1:1-11) even in our weakness. As Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 12:10 in our weakness, we find strength.

We never know who may be coming into our paths … whose life God may be trying to reach thru us. Often thru those interactions God brings us a very special gift like the story of the old Fisherman (I share below – thank you Faye :).

May God bless each of you and fill your life with peace, joy and a true understanding of life … the life He wants for each of us and that is eternal life with Him thru His son Jesus Christ (John 3:16). God bless!

Love,

Sandi :)

THE OLD FISHERMAN

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the Clinic.

One summer evening as I was preparing supper, there was a knock at the door I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. ‘Why, he’s hardly taller than my eight-year-old,’ I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body.

But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, ‘Good evening. I’ve come to see if you’ve a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there’s no bus ’till morning.’

He told me he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no success; no one seemed to have a room. ‘I guess it’s my face. I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments…’

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: ‘I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning.’ I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. ‘No thank you. I have plenty’ And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn’t take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn’t tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was prefaced with thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children’s room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded, and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, ‘Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won’t put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair.’ He paused a moment and then added, ‘Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don’t seem to mind.’ I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they’d be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4 a.m., and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. ‘Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!’

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness would have been easier to bear. I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

- Author Unknown

Well, I knew she had not been feeling well due to experiencing bad allergy symptoms despite testing negative for all of them so I made an appointment for the allergist who referred her to an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist). As we sat in the ENT doctor’s office he was asking her questions and she just stared at him. I said, “Samantha, please answer the doctor honey don’t be rude by not responding.” She just sat there with “the” stare again accompanied with a look of being ashamed but still looking away not responding. I couldn’t understand what was going on with our little girl.

I told the doctor about her recent behavior so he examined her and noticed her ears were filled with fluid. He wanted to test her hearing so instructed us to walk down the hall to the hearing test room. I am not sure if you have ever seen one of these rooms but it is a soundproof booth equipped with a few different headsets and a chair facing a window where the technician performing the test can be seen by the patient. In walks my little baby into this small soundproof booth. I wasn’t sure if she would be brave because she would be alone in this little room with only a stranger staring back at her thru a small window. But she WAS brave and went right in! The technician put the headset on her and explained he was going to be speaking to her through the microphone. He told her that she would hear him thru the headset. He explained he would be saying words to her and would like her to repeat them back to ensure she was hearing Him clearly. He walked out of the small soundproof booth and shut the door behind him. She was enclosed with soundproof walls and completely shut off from the rest of the world. There were chairs right outside of the booth so I sat and watched the test being performed. The technician said a word into the microphone … “pancake” but instead of my little girl repeating pancake she said something like “panck”. He then said, “baseball”. She responded with something like “bab”. I don’t remember the exact way she repeated back the words but it was not even close to what he had said. It was a very distorted version of the word spoken to her. I sat there with tears rolling down my face. She clearly could not hear despite him speaking loudly and clearly into the microphone. What she was hearing was a muffled version of the technician’s voice.

Here our perception of her being obstinate and disrespectful was completely wrong. She wasn’t disrespecting. She could NOT hear! The fluid in her ears was preventing her from hearing properly so much in fact that they scheduled surgery for Wednesday (please say a prayer for our angel?) Sitting in that doctor’s office, my heart was heavy and I felt terrible for the way we had been treating her based on our false perception. I just kept hugging her and telling her how sorry I was.

Later that night while I was praying for the surgery next week to restore her hearing, I realized how much I needed to ask for forgiveness and pray for myself as well. I asked God to help me see the world AGAIN through His eyes, with His heart and NOT with a displaced perspective. We thought we were doing the right thing having consequences for those disrespectful moments. The problem was we didn’t have all of the facts but yet we reacted as if we did. Her blank stare when someone would talk to her was because she couldn’t hear what was being said but was too ashamed to say anything. My heart was broken!

God really opened my eyes to a couple of things:

1. We need to be mindful of our perceptions of every situation and ensure we do NOT assume anything no matter how obvious something appears. We can save ourselves and others a lot of pain if we see a situation for what it is based on facts instead of past emotional hurts or assumptions that may skew our perspective.

I’m quickly learning that if I really want God to send me to help others then I need to learn to listen with His ears and see with His eyes so none of my baggage causes wrong perceptions.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ He said, ‘Go and tell this people: ‘Be ever hearing; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.” Isaiah 6:8-9

2. How often are we the ones sitting inside the soundbooth with God speaking to us but there is something keeping us from hearing him clearly? How many things get in the way of us hearing His voice? Too many, I’m afraid. It can be the busyness of our lives. It can be the wrong influences whether alcohol, gambling or some type of addiction – it can be our peers. Are we surrounding ourselves with people that have our best interests in mind – loving us and helping us to become the people God made us to be?

We need to learn to listen to His voice and hold fast to our God so that blessings will come into our lives.

“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.” Deuteronomy 30:19-20

God is amazing! Once we open our hearts and minds to Him, He surrounds us with what appears to be “every day” moments like Samantha’s hearing test but within those “every day” moments there lies a very powerful message from Him. The thought I would like to leave you with today is how many messages is He sending you? Can you hear Him?

Blessings!

Sandi :)

Well I understand, trust me. I was there once too! Despite feeling I was blessed with the gift of faith from the time I was a little girl, I still felt empty inside and continually sought something but what was I seeking exactly? I would use everything to try and fill that horrible emptiness. And despite an incredible life there was still a void in my heart. I would shout in my head I just don’t get it, Lord! Why do I feel so empty inside? What am I missing? So at different times throughout my life, out in the world I would go to try to fill that emptiness with …

Shopping – boy did I fill my closet with clothes, shoes, purses, make-up – pretty much anything I could buy especially if it was on sale! :) … still felt empty!

Career – I would delve myself into hours of work trying to please my customers and everyone around me but felt nothing I would do was ever good enough for anyone … still felt empty!

Alcohol – Oh I shamefully indulged (and even some of the times in excess) my share of Bacardi and Diet Cokes, and Martinis. Certainly not a proper thing to do especially for a young lady but I would indagate the answer thru the newest drink fad … still felt empty!

Relationships – I sure kissed my share of toads that is for sure! I would go on dates with guys that seemed to be perfect on paper (well some not so perfect and much more towards the bad boy syndrome side of things). I would also fill every spare minute with friends and family but not one of them filled the void … still felt empty!

Church – I thought for sure this was THE answer! Unfortunately, the churches I attended at the time didn’t fit for me. I still felt empty so found myself going to church out of obligation instead of excitement. And truthfully, when I would go to church, I often didn’t feel I was good ENOUGH. I am far from perfect and the people there seemed to have an air about them that made me feel unworthy. As Christians, aren’t we suppose to love one another unconditionally and not judge others? God is our judge and we will stand before Him so why did I feel a church judging me? Or better asked, why were people part of a church judging me, a lost soul? Isn’t a church a place for lost souls to find their way to God? And sadly unbeknown to them, the religion thing was sure doing a good job of pushing me away – far away from God. It certainly did not make me want to seek God more that is for sure. I don’t know but I knew it just wasn’t working for me … still felt empty!

Bible – Ah Ha! The answer had to be in here! I would dig into the Bible (countless times) but to my surprise I would end up getting frustrated because I didn’t understand it. I would feel lost and confused – none of it made any sense to me. I would read something and think – how does this relate to me, Lord? I don’t get it! … still felt empty!

I was seeking anything and everything to try and fill that void in my heart – that horrible feeling of emptiness! WHAT IS THE ANSWER? I prayed and cried, I STILL FEEL EMPTY, LORD! Please help me!

Then God began to open my eyes and my heart to the REAL answer. The REAL answer is not found in malls, bars, churches or religion. The answer is having a REAL relationship with God. You may be thinking, well wait a minute Sandi that is what I have in church and with my religion. I used to think the same thing but … is that really a relationship with God or is it doing something(s) to make it seem like I had a relationship with God? Let’s just say I was a good pretender.

I realized I needed to welcome God into my life. I needed to learn to have a REAL relationship with Him. So I started thinking of God as my best friend who would never leave my side, who I loved more than anything in this world, who I knew would always give me good guidance and never leave my side, who I wanted to share every part of my life with even the parts I am not so proud of because I know He will love me no matter what and will help me to become the person I am suppose to be. God became the center of my life, the center of my heart and filled every last inch of emptiness. All of the rest just followed. I found a church that helped me grow and continues to help me grow my relationship with God. I find that each week I cannot wait to get there to feed my soul. I can’t get my hands on enough good books like The Shack that helps feed my soul during the week. I can’t wait to serve and help others because it fills my soul so much! I am finally understanding the Bible and as silly as it sounds, I didn’t know there was a Bible for people just like me that was written in everyday language that I understand – the Life Application Bible. It is awesome!

I have to say living life with God as my true best friend has changed everything for me. It’s the REAL secret in life and I wish someone would have shared it with me long ago so that is why I want to share it with you, my friends. I lost myself in the facade of religion. I didn’t seek and have a REAL relationship with God. He is waiting for you to ask Him to become your best friend too. It’s amazing how your life changes once you do. Blessings and hugs!!!

Sandi

PS While I was writing my blog the song “Broken” by Jack Johnson started playing and I thought how wonderful God is that He would allow the timing of lyrics that are so perfect to how we feel before a true relationship with Him … Broken so I wanted to share them below.

Broken
(Song by Jack Johnson)

With everything ahead of us, we left
everything behind
but nothin that we needed at least
not at this time and now
the feelin that I’m feelin, well
is feelin like my life is finally mine
and with nothin to go back to
we just continue to drive

Without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side
said without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side

I didn’t know what I was lookin for so I
didn’t know what I’d find
I didn’t know what I was missin I guess
You’d been just a little too kind
and if I find just what I need
put a little peace in my mind
maybe you been lookin too
or maybe you don’t even need to try

Without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side
said without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side

(instrumental interlude)

With everything in the past
fadin faster and faster until it was gone
found out I was losin so much more
than I knew all along

But everything I been workin for
only worth nickels and dimes
but if I had a minute for every hour that I wasted
I’d be rich and kind
I’d be doin fine

Without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side
said without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side

Without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side
said without you I was broken
but I’d rather be broke down with you by my side

It’s a butterfly moment … the moment when a beautiful butterfly can finally free itself from its cocoon, leaving the old and ugliness behind. All of that horrible ugliness is replaced with something exceptional … a feeling of being on top of the world, floating on air, expanding its wings and glancing down to see if indeed it’s all “real” because it feels too incredible – too good to be true. Then it discovers that not only is it floating, but things are even better than that. God has taken such an ugly beginning and magically transformed every moment of darkness into something incredibly beautiful, something beyond comprehension. And you sit here as living proof of His grace and endless possibilities. How is that possible? How could it be? How could something so ugly, so seemingly encased in darkness for that long emerge a symbol of grace and love representing nothing less than the true meaning of HOPE?

That moment, that incredible transformation, my friends, is proof of how God CAN and DOES take the ugliest, the darkest of situations and transforms them into something truly magnificent. My heart overflows with thankfulness for the opportunity to sit here sharing my thoughts with you while glancing forward at the endless possibility of helping others in their faith by reason of those darkest, most challenging times.

Tears fill my eyes with not only a “knowing” but a true understanding that every second is a gift and “getting” that in the darkest of times, we should not feel secluded but instead feel protected, like the butterfly in its cocoon – trusting His plan and knowing that God can, without a doubt, transform something horribly ugly and dark into a beautiful creation – a creation that is so incomprehensible that it could only be possible with Him.

May God bless you with a butterfly moment reminding you that no matter what you may be facing, trust His plan for you – be patient while he creates something truly magnificent in your life. Hugs!

Sandi :)

Things are incredibly busy these days in preparation for the book release (Blessings Too Good). I feel more than blessed for all that has been happening in my life. The excitement building is hard to contain! This entire experience feels surreal. To think I felt the tug on my heart to share my story and then one month later had it on paper is incredible. Now, I sit here typing a blog being hit by the realization that I, Sandi Rauwolf, will be a published author in a month! What??? I mean, who am I to have such an incredible opportunity??? I am not worthy and certainly far from perfect. But, here I sit pinching myself and feeling so blessed for this reality. This experience is teaching me a lot. I am realizing, we can ALL be messengers for God. And the cool part is, God can and WILL use us, just as we are – no matter how imperfect that may be!

I have never dreamt of being an author but my heart has always been tugged with the desire to help others. When I was very ill, I remember praying countless tear-filled prayers clinging to the hope that God could touch just ONE life through all I was facing. Here I sit and that realization comes crashing down … the moment God has been preparing me for, the moment I didn’t know I was so desperately seeking or what would bring me here, the moment, now that I’m here is clear that every tear, every smile, every hurt, every fear was bringing me right here – one step closer to the person God made me to be. It brings tears to my eyes and fills my heart beyond anything I ever thought possible.

There is something I wanted to share with you. On a recent trip to visit my dad, I felt the urge to scribble these thoughts down on paper:

Here In This Moment With You

Long ago when life seemed to be overwhelming,
You were there for me.

Through all of the tears,
through all of the pain,
You knew I would be,
one step closer to where You wanted me.

I didn’t know where life was taking me,
I didn’t know this was where I was supposed to be,
but you saw me through and knew exactly where you were bringing me.

Everything that once felt right,
now feels wrong to me.
Life is different now,
but I know it has to be.

Life never felt so right,
life never felt so good,
Now that I’ve arrived,
Here in this moment with You.

Looking back now,
I can clearly see,
everything was leading me,
Right here …
Here in this moment with You.

– Sandi Rauwolf

Now, it is clear where God has been leading me … right here in this moment with Him. What an incredible gift! Well, it goes without saying … I have felt more than guided in all of this and give all of the glory to God.

May this coming week fill your hearts with something that brings you one step closer to that same moment, your moment with Him. Hugs!!!

Sandi