10.06.09

One Moment …

Posted in Lost My Way, Love at 5:14 am by Sandi Rauwolf

I know this blog is a bit long but please if you clicked here, you are meant to take a few minutes to read it – please.

My eyes continue to be opened to the wonders of Life. I have felt on my heart for some time now that everything is “opposite” – opposite of what we think or realize. As most of you know I have had quite a journey my entire life not just relating to my health but through things I never thought personally I would find myself in the middle of (again opposite of anything I thought – never say never!!!). After my miracles and I was given what I thought was “life” back, let me tell you I went WAY off track. I do not know who I had become – I will just say I did everything to destroy my marriage, my family – my life. I found myself out drinking it up (staying out all night, making less than good decisions) when I would be out of town … who had I become? How could I sit there filling my bed with tears feeling completely out of control for behaviors that I never thought I would fall into but yet was so easily enticed and lured in – how could the “world” have so much influence and power over me?

Then I would go through the guilt of the realization of all God had done in my life (MIRACLES, I had so many MIRACLES!), and how it seemed I was this uncaring, calloused shell of a human being spitting in God’s face and all those closest to me who had done so much for me. I would cry out in those moments, “Why God, Why am I doing this? HOW COULD I DO THIS? This is not me, please God help me – I do not want to do this!” but yet as if being under a spell, time and time again I would find myself right where I did not want to be. I felt completely helpless. A grown adult who loved God so much found herself lost like a little child who was lured away by all of the cool clothes racks to hide under. Then suddenly amongst all that fun, the moment happens where that 7 year old finds herself in the middle of the mall, LOST crying out “Where’s my Daddy? I am so scared!” Never realizing I was drifting off in the first place because I had the perspective that I, the girl with so much faith and love in her heart, could never find herself so far off and away from God. It was not a pretty time in my life and for sure what I call “my veil moment” – the moment in life I wanted to hide behind forever.

Everyone has their veil moment or moments and let me tell you the world does everything to convince you to stay behind that veil because currently it is so judging, unloving and critical. If you believe in God the prescription of judgment eyeglasses that others wear are certainly turned up a notch as if they are looking at you through magnifying glasses. Somehow they lose sight of the fact that you are human just like them and that we go through “life” to become the person we were born to be. It is the whole reason why we need God!

There are some hard lessons on that journey, very hard but it is amazing once you emerge out of the dark tunnel after focusing on the light at the end for so many years. Every tear becomes worth it and it all comes together as to “why” you faced the veil moments. During my dark times my sister (and brother-in-law) saw how lost I had become but you know they did not judge me, they loved me, they prayed for me and because of them crying out for me God reached His very hand down and pulled me out of that darkness. God taught me how critical it is to focus my eyes on Him first and foremost above all things in this world, yes that includes my family, friends, job … everything!

There is a song I heard a year ago or so that brings tears to my eyes and sums up the current state of the world. It is called “Does Anybody Hear Her?” By Counting Crows (here is the link you can listen to it for free and no it should not give you any viruses – http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#does%20anybody%20hear%20her). It’s about a girl running one hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction, trying to go the other way but the world was sucking her in but did anyone even notice? One of the verses is:

Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she’s going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that’s tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

It is sad but the people couldn’t see past what she was doing (i.e. her mistakes) and instead of loving her, praying for her, they judged her when she was there crying out HELP ME!!! As a result of this type of culture, the suicide rates especially amongst the youth is raising at a rate that makes me cry. And it does NOT have to be this way! God said something to me a couple of weeks ago which is so important, He said if anyone decides to put on and wear eyeglasses of judgment they need to ensure they try them on first and take a good look in the mirror. Amen to that!

See guys, we have all had those moments in our lives so not a single person has any right to turn to another to cast a stone but yet we live in a society who does nothing but stone people to death and thinks it “is their right”. Truly, everything is opposite of what we know as reality. THIS IS NOT THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT TO BE. It is time for a change and it starts with us. Let’s walk forward in Love understanding we go through all of those things, all of those tears to bring us to a point in life where all impurity, judgment, bitterness, etc. has been weeded out of our hearts so when we look in the mirror we only see Love (a true reflection of Christ) looking back at us – that is the moment when our Life truly begins. We then can take all of those hurts and instead of hiding behind the veil, it is torn down allowing us to become transparent so we can help the next lost little girl who feels like she is all alone in the world because no one else could have done such a horrible thing or been in such a dark place. That moment of unconditional love when we take the strength and love we were taught by carrying that cross of imperfections/mistakes to embrace another saying, “I’ve been there. You will get through this and most importantly I love you no matter what.” THAT is real Love and the moment the world and darkness has to pry its cold fingers of death off of us because Love never fails, never. Here is a short poem God put on my heart this past weekend that really sums it all up.

One Moment

It’s that one moment in time when a hand reaches out of nowhere to bring into our very being the beginning of Life.

It is the one moment all your tears come together to form a beautiful cascade of clear flowing water.

One moment, “the” moment when suddenly the light turns on and you find yourself standing in front of a mirror that you had no idea was even there.

You walk up, put your palms flat to the glass and there staring back at you is Love. It is no longer far off in the distance but right there, a beautiful reflection of you.

It’s “your” moment and when Life truly begins.

By: Sandi Rauwolf, 10/03/09

What’s your veil moment, the one that you feel you have to hide behind but someone in your path today may desperately need your experience to pull them out of that darkness – to give them hope and also the transparency needed to bring you complete healing and freedom? May God bless you and may you allow Him to use your imperfections/mistakes to help another. May you embrace someone who is so desperately crying out, feeling lost and needs Love not judgment. May you come to “your” moment when Life truly begins.

Love to you all!

Sandi Rauwolf
Author, Blessings Too Good

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