04.15.09
Blind Faith …
Last week my husband was blessed with corrective eye surgery. He has been a perfect candidate since the concept birthed but has been hesitant or shall I say more afraid of the “what if”. Although his vision was so poor, he literally could not see past his nose without glasses or contacts, he wasn’t convinced he should take the chance no matter how big the reward. With some gentle nudging from our eye doctor, he decided to have it done.
Friday morning of last week we headed downtown to the Kraff Eye Institute. He was so nervous but I kept encouraging him to have faith and to focus on how blessed he is for the opportunity. He just looked at me with that look of “I know, I am trying,” but then I could see the nervousness settle back into his face. He was trying so hard not to be nervous but it seemed to consume him with each passing minute while the clock ticked down to the scheduled surgery time. They then gave him a valium to calm his nerves a bit before surgery. He kept telling me how weird he felt. He had never had to take any kind of drugs before nor did he ever have to face a surgical procedure (at least not from the patient’s perspective Lord knows he has faced plenty of surgeries with me). He didn’t like it at first because he knew his sense of control was diminishing. Then I saw a look of peace beginning to crowd out the nervousness on his face. I couldn’t help but smile because this was the first time in the 19 years I have known him that I saw him completely relaxed. That peace only settled completely within him once he surrendered and realized that no matter how much he wanted to remain in control he couldn’t … then as if that very second, complete peace came over him.
It made me so happy seeing him that carefree because he deserves that kind of life. But that happiness didn’t compare to the joy in my heart as a result of knowing some day soon he will have that complete peace without having to take valium! It’s available for all of us! Over the last month, I have watched my husband open his heart and pursue a real relationship with God (Christ) – a true BFF kind of relationship. God was no longer just someone to call on in times of trouble or to say hi to once a week at church but someone he talked with constantly. See although he had faced so much thru my illness, he still had not pursued that personal relationship with God until recently and it has changed his life. I have always hoped for my husband to have peace inside but not from seeking comfort in anything from this world (like we all do at first) but to seek and discover the true meaning of peace with God. I sat there smiling at him being incredibly thankful that God allowed him a taste of what peace is like with Him even if the introduction was from a pre-surgical medicine (my husband could not comprehend that feeling because he had never experienced it before – well, until now and that taste was enough for him to seek more).
They walked him back or shall I say led him back because he was so carefree I think he would have just wandered the clinic taking in everything just as a toddler does when they take their first steps of freedom – an undiscovered world. The surgery was quick and went well. They instructed him to keep his eyes closed for the next few days allowing his eyes to heal. The valium was beginning to wear off and I could feel the tension settling back into his soul. My husband is a “doer”. God love him but he is use to taking care of everyone else and not letting others take care of him. I was beginning to wonder if the fact he would have to 100% rely on others instead of handling things himself would make him more nervous than the surgery. I knew either way, it would be hard for him to rely completely on us to help him.
The clinic is downtown Chicago so we had to work our way down a long hall onto a walkway over an atrium and to the elevators. I was holding his hand and guiding him every step of the way. As we started over the atrium, he hesitated. I said, “What’s wrong?” He said, “I’m scared. It seems as if there is this narrow walk with no walls and one wrong step and I could fall off.” As soon as he said that God pointed out to me how symbolic this whole process is to our walk with Him and especially in my husband’s own personal spiritual walk.
I shared with my husband that what he was feeling is what we need to do with God. It’s the moment we surrender control and allow God to take our hand and lead us, stepping out in blind faith, trusting He will guide our every step. When we can no longer rely on our own senses but blindly walk forward in Him … when we reach that point of being able to walk forward BLINDLY – without peeking, our journey truly begins.
The follow-up appointment the doctor told him he could open his eyes some times but to still try and keep them closed. As I guided him out of the office and to the elevators soon we were walking down State Street by Macy’s windows. Samantha was with us and such a good little helper for her daddy. She started getting so excited at the big beautiful, bright pink flamingo display in Macy’s window. She said, “Daddy, daddy you have to open your eyes to see the pink bird.” My husband was wearing special sun glasses so I couldn’t see if he had opened his eyes but based on the joy that came over his face and the tear that found its way out the bottom of the sunglasses I knew he had. Here we stood on State Street in Chicago sharing a moment none of us will ever forget. For the first time in my husband’s life he was able to see without glasses. It overwhelmed him so much at this incredible gift he had been given. To his eyes the image of this bright pink flamingo was like the most exquisite tasting dessert would be to the taste buds – magnificent! It took everything he had to close his eyes again. He said it was like seeing for the first time and he wanted to look at everything he could. I shared with him how wonderful God is and yet again how symbolic it is to our walk with Him. Once we are able to blindly walk in faith and the scales are removed from our eyes truly a whole new world opens up, one that is so incredible we didn’t realize what we were missing until we experienced it for the first time.
May you blindly walk in faith and allow your eyes to be opened to a whole new world – one that has been just past your nose all along and waiting for you to discover it. Love to you all!
Sandi Rauwolf
Author, Blessings Too Good
