10.26.08
Posted in Blessings, Challenges and Strengths, Personal Perspective, Self Reflection, Thankfulness at 3:00 pm by Sandi Rauwolf
Last week was an eye opening experience. Within the last couple of months we have noticed Samantha becoming obstinate. She was ignoring people. She was looking at them with a stare instead of responding and then going about her business as if they did not even exist. It appeared to all around her that she wasn’t listening, following directions or being very respectful. It had been weighing heavily on my mind. What was going on with my baby?
Well, I knew she had not been feeling well due to experiencing bad allergy symptoms despite testing negative for all of them so I made an appointment for the allergist who referred her to an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist). As we sat in the ENT doctor’s office he was asking her questions and she just stared at him. I said, “Samantha, please answer the doctor honey don’t be rude by not responding.” She just sat there with “the” stare again accompanied with a look of being ashamed but still looking away not responding. I couldn’t understand what was going on with our little girl.
I told the doctor about her recent behavior so he examined her and noticed her ears were filled with fluid. He wanted to test her hearing so instructed us to walk down the hall to the hearing test room. I am not sure if you have ever seen one of these rooms but it is a soundproof booth equipped with a few different headsets and a chair facing a window where the technician performing the test can be seen by the patient. In walks my little baby into this small soundproof booth. I wasn’t sure if she would be brave because she would be alone in this little room with only a stranger staring back at her thru a small window. But she WAS brave and went right in! The technician put the headset on her and explained he was going to be speaking to her through the microphone. He told her that she would hear him thru the headset. He explained he would be saying words to her and would like her to repeat them back to ensure she was hearing Him clearly. He walked out of the small soundproof booth and shut the door behind him. She was enclosed with soundproof walls and completely shut off from the rest of the world. There were chairs right outside of the booth so I sat and watched the test being performed. The technician said a word into the microphone … “pancake” but instead of my little girl repeating pancake she said something like “panck”. He then said, “baseball”. She responded with something like “bab”. I don’t remember the exact way she repeated back the words but it was not even close to what he had said. It was a very distorted version of the word spoken to her. I sat there with tears rolling down my face. She clearly could not hear despite him speaking loudly and clearly into the microphone. What she was hearing was a muffled version of the technician’s voice.
Here our perception of her being obstinate and disrespectful was completely wrong. She wasn’t disrespecting. She could NOT hear! The fluid in her ears was preventing her from hearing properly so much in fact that they scheduled surgery for Wednesday (please say a prayer for our angel?) Sitting in that doctor’s office, my heart was heavy and I felt terrible for the way we had been treating her based on our false perception. I just kept hugging her and telling her how sorry I was.
Later that night while I was praying for the surgery next week to restore her hearing, I realized how much I needed to ask for forgiveness and pray for myself as well. I asked God to help me see the world AGAIN through His eyes, with His heart and NOT with a displaced perspective. We thought we were doing the right thing having consequences for those disrespectful moments. The problem was we didn’t have all of the facts but yet we reacted as if we did. Her blank stare when someone would talk to her was because she couldn’t hear what was being said but was too ashamed to say anything. My heart was broken!
God really opened my eyes to a couple of things:
1. We need to be mindful of our perceptions of every situation and ensure we do NOT assume anything no matter how obvious something appears. We can save ourselves and others a lot of pain if we see a situation for what it is based on facts instead of past emotional hurts or assumptions that may skew our perspective.
I’m quickly learning that if I really want God to send me to help others then I need to learn to listen with His ears and see with His eyes so none of my baggage causes wrong perceptions.
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ He said, ‘Go and tell this people: ‘Be ever hearing; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.” Isaiah 6:8-9
2. How often are we the ones sitting inside the soundbooth with God speaking to us but there is something keeping us from hearing him clearly? How many things get in the way of us hearing His voice? Too many, I’m afraid. It can be the busyness of our lives. It can be the wrong influences whether alcohol, gambling or some type of addiction – it can be our peers. Are we surrounding ourselves with people that have our best interests in mind – loving us and helping us to become the people God made us to be?
We need to learn to listen to His voice and hold fast to our God so that blessings will come into our lives.
“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.” Deuteronomy 30:19-20
God is amazing! Once we open our hearts and minds to Him, He surrounds us with what appears to be “every day” moments like Samantha’s hearing test but within those “every day” moments there lies a very powerful message from Him. The thought I would like to leave you with today is how many messages is He sending you? Can you hear Him?
Blessings!
Sandi :)
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10.14.08
Posted in Love, Self Reflection at 9:31 pm by Sandi Rauwolf
The last few weeks we have faced some painful truths about ourselves (ouch!). They certainly were not very comfortable to think about or put out there but all VERY important to our spiritual maturity. God has now opened our eyes to the importance of a REAL relationship with Him.
And to think I had it wrong for so long!!! Getting caught up in all Satan was sending my way – every doubt, every worry, every trap … he convinced me there was no way God could love me and I certainly wasn’t worthy of God’s forgiveness. But boy did the evil one deceive me because God patiently waits for us to invite Him into our hearts and desire the most important relationship we will ever have … one with Him.
I’ve opened my heart to LOVE (to God) and it has forever changed my life. I hope you have decided to do the same. “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4:16
LOVE allows us to see others with compassion and empathy instead of thru harsh, judging eyes.
LOVE allows us to more easily forgive instead of holding onto grudges and bitterness.
LOVE allows us to open our hearts to the world, to break down the walls.
LOVE allows us to connect to others at a depth that past hurts had walled off.
LOVE allows us to walk with confidence and faith knowing there is a plan for each of us.
LOVE allows us to fully appreciate imperfection by embracing the true understanding of exactly why He sent His son for us.
LOVE allows us to live the life God intended for us by replacing the center of how we live (”I”) with the center of God (“o”) … bringing us LOVE.
I wanted to share with you a neat email my sister sent to me. I think it may help us to understand what God has been opening our eyes to the last few weeks … and that is opening our hearts and installing LOVE.
INSTALLING LOVE
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
T.S.: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
C: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
T.S.: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
C: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
T.S.: What programs are running?
C: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.
T.S.: No problem. Love will gradually delete Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
C: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
T.S.: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely deleted.
C: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
T.S.: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
C: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, ‘Error – Program not run on external components.’ What should I do?
T.S.: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
C: So what should I do?
T.S. Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.
C: Okay, done.
T.S.: Now copy them to the ‘My Heart’ directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
C: Got it. Hey! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over my Heart. Is this normal?
T.S.: Sometimes. For others, it takes awhile, but eventually gets it at the proper time.
So, Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various components to everyone you meet. They will in turn, share it with others and return some cool components back to you.
– Tom Murasso
I encourage each of you to install LOVE and share it with the world … it’s free and the most important gift you could ever give someone. And you wonder why I always say it’s all about the love :)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 5-8
God is LOVE! :) Blessings and love!
Sandi
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10.09.08
Posted in Forgiveness, Self Reflection at 5:25 am by Sandi Rauwolf
Now that we have put some thought into how we might be judging others, I’m guessing God may have shown you areas in your life where you were being inconspicuously prejudiced. Isn’t it amazing how once we open our hearts to Him, we can clearly see things that prior we looked right past? That is what I love about having this kind of a relationship with God – it is like a whole new world out there! :)
Next God began to teach me the importance of forgiveness. I thought I was a forgiving person but boy did He teach me a thing or two about just how forgiving I wasn’t! I didn’t realize to what level we were to forgive until He tested me time and time again. We all have at least one person who comes into our life who seems to push every button we have or almost seems like they are out to “get” us – don’t you agree? Prior to seeking a REAL relationship with God, I would become so frustrated asking Why? Why do I always have someone like this in my life? It is not fair! One person would seem bad then they would be replaced with someone that was twice as bad. What in the world?? I wanted to scream! So I got frustrated and did everything I could to “avoid” the situation but the more I would try and avoid it, the more God put it front and center in my life.
So I started talking to God about it, Lord, why do I have these difficult people in my life? What am I doing wrong? I forgave them once but they continue to hurt me so they no longer deserve my forgiveness. Please open my eyes and help me understand because I feel frustrated every day! I just felt miserable. God was now helping me so I wasn’t judging others in my life but yet I still didn’t have that peace everyone talked about once you have God in your heart. Instead my heart felt heavy, angry, frustrated and bitter! It certainly would not be a depiction of a beautiful fluffy, pretty red heart you see on Valentine’s cards but more like a heart with an angry, red cartoon face right in the middle of it. I continued to talk to God about it and started asking Him for His Wisdom (that was a new thought I had not prayed about previously – asking for Wisdom). “Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. … Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.” Proverbs 3:14-17
The next week I had a particularly difficult situation at work with one of “those” difficult people and completely had it. I mean it was the absolute last straw! I even forgave them a couple times already for the SAME thing but yet they continued to walk all over me. I was not going to have the letters on the W E L C O M E mat be replaced with S A N D I. Ohhhh was I upset and carried that around all through the weekend too! I was even snapping at the kids on the way to church. Their lackadaisical attitude and no sense of urgency whatsoever about getting ready that morning got on my last nerve. By the time I actually sat my butt in a chair at service, I was even angrier than I was a couple of days before. Then the pastor started talking about forgiveness and the message really hit home. It was about the importance of understanding the true role of forgiveness. How often do we feel the other person doesn’t deserve our forgiveness? But wait … we need to think through this a little bit – who are we “really” hurting? I quickly thought to myself Well them, of course and deservedly so! Well, I was wrong. When we fail to forgive others we end up carrying that bitterness and anger around in OUR hearts, not theirs. We not only make ourselves miserable but all of those around us (like I had done to my children that morning). I realized that God was patiently waiting for me to let things go and forgive others in order for me to get one step closer to that peace we all want so much.
I have never looked at forgiveness the same way again and realized we are not only to forgive others once but over and over again. How often would we want our loving Father to forgive us? Endlessly! I wondered what the Bible had to say about this subject so God opened my eyes to the scripture. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times?’” Matthew 18:21-22
SEVENTY-SEVEN TIMES, wow – now that’s a concept, huh?
So I started to apply that in my life and boy did it make a big difference. Sure I had others saying, “You’re such a pushover. They don’t deserve your forgiveness.” But I kept thinking how much I wanted God to continue to forgive me over and over for all of the mistakes I made so I needed to learn to do the same to others. I mean they aren’t perfect either – right?
God then took it one step further, He showed me not only am I to forgive but I am to move on – put it behind me and QUIT throwing it back in their faces once I have forgiven them for something. Don’t we all fall into that trap where we forgive someone but then the first chance we can, we throw it back at them like a pitch whirled by the best pitcher in the league? Yes, I have been very guilty of that one! God certainly doesn’t remind us of the sins that He has forgiven us for now does He? No! But, Satan does – that’s for sure! If you let him, he will continue to taunt you with past guilt trying to forever rob you of the peace God wants for each of us. God does not want us holding bitterness or anger in our hearts. So once you have forgiven someone, let it go (including forgiving yourself) – do not beat a dead horse.
I can’t help but visualize Jesus on the cross from “The Passion of the Christ” movie. Here He had been spit at, beaten and hung on the cross to die. As they continued to mistreat Him in ways that are incomprehensible, He says “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34 So I ask, is there anyone in your life who you need to forgive today? Chances are likely their eyes have not yet been opened to having a REAL relationship with God so carry the same thought with you today that Jesus had up on that cross … “they know not what they do”.
God bless!
Love,
Sandi :)
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10.03.08
Posted in Judging Others, Self Reflection at 11:48 am by Sandi Rauwolf
Based on emails I have received, it seems many can relate to the emptiness I described in my last blog and how nothing filled that space in my heart until I had a REAL relationship with God. So the question comes up … how? I want to fill that emptiness and have a relationship with God but how?
As with any relationship, it takes time, an open heart, love and a willingness to give it everything you’ve got to make it work – especially when times get hard.
My first step was getting to know God better. I knew about Him but had formed an opinion before I really knew Him – that was my first mistake and lesson God taught me. We are not to judge others. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:2 This made me do some thinking that is for sure – do I really want to be judged the way I was unknowingly judging others? No way! It was time for me to pay attention to exactly how I perceived those around me and just how much judgment I was doing without even realizing it.
The message was clear. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 19:19) – love the world surrounding us. As I shared in my LOVE blog, I’ve always felt it is all about the love. “To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all …” (Mark 12:33). More important “than all” … that’s because with love in our hearts, it is much easier to see the world thru God’s eyes. It’s much easier not to judge. It’s much easier to love despite imperfections. It’s much easier to forgive. It’s much easier to give without expecting back. It’s much easier to unselfishly give our time to help others. It’s much easier to live with love. God is LOVE.
Pray for God to help you see the world thru His eyes. It’s amazing how differently you see things and what lessons He will teach you (and continue to teach you). My “impression” of God was wrong and it was keeping me from the life He had planned for me all along. I had a closed minded perspective and needed to open my mind and heart to Him and all He was doing in my life and in the lives of those around me.
I couldn’t help but think Wow! I was judging people and didn’t realize that not only was I judging but my judging was robbing me of the life God has planned for me and also robbing them of the unconditional love God wants amongst us. Who am I to judge someone or what they are doing in life just because it wouldn’t be something I would do? How many things do I do that someone else doesn’t approve of? How many mistakes have I made that God has forgiven me for but the world thru “judging” eyes would not be able to get past it because they aren’t seeing it thru His loving eyes?
At that moment, I knew I wanted to see others as God sees me. Growing up I was always reminded when you point the finger at someone else, look at your hand. How many fingers are pointing back in your direction? Exactly – many more than the one finger you are pointing towards someone else! That thought brings to mind what Jesus said, “If any of you is without sin, let them be the first to throw a stone …” (John 8:7).
How can we stand and judge anyone when none of us are free from sin? I also struggled with that realization. It took some time for me to admit out loud that I am a sinner. We are all sinners. But, my perception was that we had to be perfect to have a relationshp with God so how could I do that but not be free from every sin? Perplexing! There were so many rules, so many ways for me to disappoint God! It seemed impossible because I would always fall short of the Glory of God despite all of my attempts. So I talked to God about it A LOT praying for guidance and Wisdom. He continues to open my eyes to His Truth. We are ALL sinners and have been from the moment Adam ate from the forbidden tree (Genesis 3:17).
We are imperfect and forever will be on this earth and the denial that we are sinners is denying Truth. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 Job 1:18) This was a concept I hadn’t previously grasped and that is God knows I am a sinner but loves me despite my imperfections. He knows my heart. He knows my sins before I commit them just like when Jesus told Peter you will disown me three times before the rooster crows and Peter said “I will never disown you” but he did just as Jesus said (Matthew 26:34) but Jesus still loved him. So I realized God loves me, imperfections and all – that is why He sent his only son for my sins and yours.
Now there’s an idiom … here the ONE thing that was keeping me from God – sin (because I didn’t feel worthy) – is the whole reason I needed Christianity (Jesus so I could forever be forgiven of my sins).
Now this does not mean as Christians we have a license to sin. But what it means is not denying the fact that we are born sinners and to quit pretending we and others are suppose to be perfect in an imperfect world. Jesus is perfect. We are not, that is why we need Him. Once we understand this, God enters our hearts thru the Holy Spirit and begins changing us. He molds us as we walk our journey. When we fall or stray and trust me, He knows we are going to fall or stray. He is there to pick us up and bring us back. He surrounds us with people to support us, guide us in His Word, and love us despite our flaws – despite our imperfections – despite our sins because they understand too that we are all imperfect. Just remember that no matter how lost we may become, He will find His lost sheep.
Jesus told this parable in Luke 15:4-7 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.’”
So I’ll leave you with this thought … Who might you unknowingly be judging in your life today? I encourage you to take this first step in a REAL relationship with God. Talk to Him about it, pray for guidance and the ability to see the world thru His eyes. None of us are perfect. He knows that – but, He will come into our hearts and start changing us if we let Him in. Leave the judging to God so He may find His lost sheep whether it is you who may be feeling a little lost right now or someone close to you.
Blessings and Love!
Sandi :)
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